For the emotionally supported and socially unavailable. This frayed, lived-in cap is embroidered with passive-aggressive perfection — in German, no less. Crafted from 100% pre-shrunk cotton twill, it features a relaxed 6-panel fit, no buckram for extra chill, and a curved distressed brim that gives “I walk my dog and ghost people.” The Velcro™ strap adjusts easily, while six eyelets help you stay ventilated during judgment sessions.